Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
