Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
