Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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