wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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