i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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