i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
