I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
The beer is more important than you right now.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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