so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize