In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
