he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize