Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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