In the future we'll all be gay
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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