Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
porn star boner night. come get it.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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