Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
