Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
