I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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