What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
