I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
