matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize