I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
