I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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