sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
