2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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