we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
