if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
