it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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