I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
