what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
