you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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