it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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