I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
