So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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