I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
