OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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