she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
