Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize