For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
