I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My pussy is not your playground.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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