Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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