just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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