Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
