I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
