Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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