i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
