Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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