Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
