So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
