Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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