just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
