I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
