I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
