I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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