Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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