just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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