All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
