last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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