I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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