Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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