the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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