Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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