I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize