im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
