I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize