I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
