Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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