Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
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I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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