I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Houston, we have a squirter
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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