He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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