And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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