well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
