I could have mohawked her pubes.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
