i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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