About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
