Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
